Introduction
There is no prescribed way that boys and men are impacted by child sexual abuse. There are many complex and interconnected factors that influence people’s experiences and responses, everyone is different and with appropriate support recovery is possible.
Prioritise wellbeing
In reading this page, we encourage you to prioritise your wellbeing and make use of resources designed to assist male survivors and their supporters. Click here for wellbeing resources.
Key themes
- Individual, contextual and abuse related factors can influence how a child is impacted by sexual abuse at the time and across their life course.
- Core life domains – Sense of self, Mental Health, Relationships, Social, Cultural and Economic, Health – can all be impacted to varying degrees.
- With gender appropriate support, male survivors can address impacts, live rich and full lives and become part of a positive force for change.
Factors that can influence impacts
There are a range of abuse and contextual factors that can influence how a child is impacted, including:
- The timing and types of abuse (such as age at which the abuse commenced, how invasive it was, how long it went on for and how often).
- The child’s relationship to the person offending and if they are abused by more than one person(if the person/s offending are responsible for caregiving, isolation is increased and support options reduced).
- The child’s characteristics and circumstances (the child’s developmental age, gender, abilities and connections and if they experience additional maltreatment or live in a safe, warm and nurturing environment).
- Whether the child was listened to and believed AND provided with appropriate support when the abuse was discovered and/or disclosed.
To re-iterate, while abuse circumstances and individual characteristics can be influential, they do not automatically define all outcomes: Male survivors have demonstrated an ability to overcome the most harrowing of life experiences.
Impacts (including episodic and sleeper effects)
The below information should not be read as an exhaustive list or certain outcome for any boy or man. Some of the described difficulties will be familiar to some survivors and other’s may not feature at all in their lives. Some difficulties may occur occasionally or in particular circumstances, and some might appear or not later in life (what researchers call episodic or sleeper effects).
Impacts on self
Experiences of abuse can significantly shape how we understand ourselves, how we see and interact with the world. Sexual abuse can result in:
- Negative self-image, distrust of self and others, self-blame, feelings of guilt and shame, low self-esteem, continuous self-doubt and self-monitoring
- Isolation. loneliness. sense of helplessness and hopelessness, grief and loss
- Rigid beliefs, perfectionism, risk-taking, feeling chaotic and out of control, unhelpful thinking patterns.
- Confusion and distress in relation to gender and sexual identity. A feeling of a need to prove their masculinity and sexuality.
The sense of isolation, questioning of self and pressure to prove ourselves as men is compounded by limited awareness and gender appropriate support.
Mental Health Difficulties
There is a growing awareness of mental health difficulties experienced by survivors of abuse. Whether impacts result in a formal clinical diagnosis or not, they can be profound, including:
- Complex Post Traumatic Stress, depression, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal, numbing, flashbacks, panic attacks, freezing, intrusive memories, overwhelming thoughts and emotions, self-harm, increased suicidal ideation and risk of self-harm.
The interpersonal nature of sexual abuse can produce what is called developmental or complex trauma, leaving a child/adult struggling to self-regulate, to feel in control of his feelings, thoughts, intentions and actions; to achieve a sense of self-integrity (i.e. the feeling that one is a unique, whole, and worthy individual) and to experience relationships as nurturing and supportive.
Relationship difficulties
Given that abuse occurs in relationship contexts, it is not surprising that difficulties can appear in relationships, including:
- Struggles with trust and intimacy, forming relationships, fear of abandonment, sensitivity to criticism, difficulties dealing with conflict, intimate partner violence
- Increased confusion during sexual and emotional intimacy. Difficulties when a person ‘checks out’ and emotionally disengages, confusing sex with love
- Parenting can be particularly challenging, reminding survivors of their own childhood, triggering feelings of vulnerability, anxiety and distress, wanting to protect and keep their child safe
Partners, family members and close friends often provide male survivors with critical social and emotional support and benefit from specialist assistance. See Relationship Challenges and Resources for Supporters.
It is useful to remind ourselves that while relationships can be a place where difficulties appear, they are also where difficulties can be worked through and resolved. A reality is that we all face difficulties and live and grow within relationships.
Social, Cultural and Economic Impacts:
Men report struggling with:
- Use and misuse of drink and drugs (legal and illegal), gambling, porn, sex, exercise. Some habits which have helped men through tough times, can pass their ‘use by date’ and become problems in and of themselves.
- Education, with focussing and studying, with literacy – for many school became a place of pain and humiliation, for a few education is a saviour, a place where they can gain control and achieve.
- Employment and economic security, with workplace pressures, monitoring and micro-managing, holding down a job or confidence to put themselves forward. For some, however work can become a place of acknowledgement and reward, bringing with it dangers of over-working and loss of identity and purpose no longer able to work.
- Increased risk of homelessness, re-victimization, involvement with the criminal justice system and incarceration
- Disconnection from culture, spirituality and faith.
Physical and Health Difficulties:
The physical and health impacts of abuse are becoming better understood. Sexual abuse stresses our bodies in ways that can compromise our immune systems and overall wellbeing, including producing:
- Heart, cardiovascular stress. Gastro-intestinal difficulties. Chronic physical pain, including soiling and pain when defecating.
- Distorted body image, risk of anorexia, body dysmorphia, eating issues.
- Sleep difficulties, nightmares, insomnia, sleep apnoea
- Reduced attendance at health and dental check-ups, resulting in difficulties becoming compounded.
- Sexual & reproductive health difficulties – including sexual response cycle (desire, arousal, orgasm, resolution) or pain associated with sexual intercourse, erectile dysfunction. STIs, HIV.
“The abuse is something that happened to me. It is not who I am. I have worked hard to manage the impacts and am proud of what I have achieved.” Rob
Post traumatic Growth
As highlighted above, abuse can have a profound impact on a survivor’s life course. Listed below are some additional responses to abuse and trauma identified by survivors:
- Greater appreciation and valuing of life,
- Closer, stronger, more intimate relationships,
- Increased personal resilience and sense of strength,
- Increased compassion and altruism
- Greater awareness and utilisation of personal strengths
- Re-evaluation of life priorities and possibilities.
- Creative growth. Tedeschi ‘Growth After Trauma’ 2020
In referencing what researchers have termed ‘post traumatic growth’, there is no suggestion that a person feels ok that the abuse occurred or downplaying of the horrific impacts, it is a part of a growing awareness of the diversity of survivor’s responses to trauma, as Toby says:
“Taking a negative experience and trying to do something with that, that either improves your life or the lives of others you know or both, if possible, I think growth can come from that mindset. (Toby)”. Lewis, Kiemle, Lowe and Balfour 2021 ‘Men’s Health across the lifespan: PTG and gender role in male survivors of child sexual abuse.. International journal of men’s social and community health’
What assists men who have experienced child sexual abuse
In seeking to address the impacts of child sexual abuse, it is useful to adopt a strategic positive approach, to build upon personal resources and enhance overall wellbeing, to cultivate supportive connections, to address difficulties in a problem focussed way and maintain a hopeful, compassionate mindset. It is useful to
- Strengthen our foundations and overall wellbeing, to enhance our knowledge and skills in managing stress and distress. Abuse is an assault on body and mind, and establishing healthy everyday physical and psychological routines helps us to better manage and reduce the influence of impacts in our lives. The idea is to build a strong place to stand to address difficulties without being knocked off course – Check out the comprehensive collection of ‘Wellbeing’ resources.
- Access supportive, relevant, targeted information that reduces sense of isolation, self-blame and shame and better able to manage difficulties (See companion resources for Survivors, in particular those on Grooming Tactics, Entrapment and Resistance and Confronting Shame)
- Understand that the origin of difficulties are not us or within us. It is counter-productive to see us as the problem (this is a way of thinking that benefits the person who offended). It is more helpful to strengthen our resources, knowledge, skills and supports. As one man put so clearly:
I have learned it is helpful to remind myself that “It’s not me that is the problem: It is what was done to me”. And “While I know I can’t change the past, I am the one who is here now and is working for my future” Jake.
- Develop practical skills in identifying, tolerating and managing strong emotions, thoughts and memories, to integration of mind and body, interpersonal connection and relational engagement. See our companion page Managing Emotions
- Build a support network of people who can assist and be there with you during tough times. It is beneficial to talk with someone who is supportive, partner, friend, worker… And to talk with someone who encountered a similar event. Well-being is enhanced through peer support and actively helping others.
Consult with a health professional or counsellor who is experienced in working with men to address the legacy of sexual abuse. An experienced practitioner, guided by up-to-date knowledge, can work with you, providing a trauma informed, confidential, compassionate service that empowers and assists you to improve your life and relationships. Check out SAMSN’s services and resources for Survivors and Supporters
- Recognise that not all problems are related to sexual abuse. In living life, we are all going to confront difficulties at different times, many unrelated to the abuse experience. A key life skill is to continuously build our strength and capacity to address problems and get back on track.
It is also useful to recognise that some current difficulties, like over-use of alcohol and drugs, may have previously helped in managing distressing memories, but have now past their ‘use be date’ and become a problem to be addressed in the present.
- Not be limited by restrictive ideas of what it means to be a man. While it is useful for all of us to be independent, strong and able to push through at times, part of being human and honest with ourselves is to acknowledge our vulnerabilities and to recognise that as members of communities we all benefit from being both recipients and providers of support (Those who offend benefit from survivors feeling isolated and disconnected and not seeking assistance).
- Practice self-compassion and adopt a hopeful, optimistic approach, that supports healing and a traumatic growth mindset.
Hope is a core value that not only sustains us through dark and difficult times but assist us to emerge with a greater sense of purpose, connection and strength.
See our Introduction to Self-compassion and our Stronger Podcast
Remember: Healing from abuse is a process, and it’s normal to experience setbacks along the way. Do focus on your wellbeing and cultivate a positive sense of self in the present. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. You deserve to live a rich and full life free from shame and full of compassion.
DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this page is general in content and is not a substitute for professional advice.